After listening to everything she had to say, lost I sat there and admired my son. I stared at him for what seemed like hours. I held his finger and took maybe 100 photos of him. I remembered that Lesslie was still downstairs. I felt bad so I asked the nurse what visiting hours were, she told me I was allowed 24 hours a day except for shift change from 6:30 to 7:30 am and pm. This would be my schedule for the next 6 months. After I got the courage to leave my baby I asked the nurse to wheel me back down, a few tears ran down my face as I said so long, because for all I knew he could have passed while I left. They wheeled me downstairs and Lesslie was sitting in the lobby sleeping. I felt so bad here she was doing a good deed for me and I had bored her to death. It sucked so bad she couldn’t go up with me. She took me back home and I remember on the way back Halo came on, I started crying and I told her all about how I had grown an attachment to it. When I got home, things felt weird nothing felt good all I could think of was him and how he was doing or if he felt lonely or if he was scared and in pain. I felt horrible, Not only had I had major surgery a day and a half ago but here I am walking up and down. I got home and started trying to pump. I laid for a little while, by this time it was like 5 and Louis was about to get off work. I called him and immediately felt better when he said, "get ready we are going to go see our little man". My eyes lit and I felt better. I asked my sister to help me clean my room I had not been home for like a week so my room was a mess with gifts people had dropped off and clothes. Louis got home around 7; He came home with some Uggs for me. I had wanted Uggs for as long as I could remember and I finally got them, I had to give birth to get Uggs and an edible arrangement lol. After I got dressed he helped me to the car and on my way for the second time I was on my way to see my baby. It was a very good feeling I must say. Going to Millers NICU to visit my baby with my husband for the first time. When we arrived we parked and it was now about 8 in Dec so it was really dark. He asked for a wheelchair and he wheeled me up. We signed in, we scrubbed and he walked me towards my baby. At this point I was on vicodin and all I could think of was Mason. Everything the nurses were telling me was so overwhelming. They would tell me about dosages of his TPN, they were telling me about his ventilator settings and what percentage his O2 was at and I was completely lost! I didn’t know what was normal, what a normal blood pressure for a preemie, proper heart rate or respiratory rate. It was too much for me to handle and I felt so overwhelmed. I had Doctor after Doctor Talk to me and I would just nod and my husband would take in the information. The first few days feel like a blur as far as medical wise goes. I was only concerned about him eating and about his weight at this time. We talked and sat for about 4 hours looking at him. We witnessed our first “Touch time” together. Mason was so fragile that they would avoid touching him, they would only bother him every 4 hours. He was 2 days old and had still had not been fed, everything was through IV. I remember them asking me to sign for him to get a PIC line in, the veins they were using were out of his umbilical cord but those only lasted a few days and they would need a secure IV to administer drugs and nutrition. This was vital, but there were risks. The main risk was infection; little did I know that Nosocomial infections would become one of my greatest enemies. At this time I knew better and was just trying to do anything to help my baby survive. They told me they would maybe put the PIC the following day. I was a little tired and my medication had worn off so I was feeling crappy and that room wasn’t very comfortable, there were incubators everywhere so we had minimal space. I prayed for my baby and kissed him goodnight. Today is Dec 11 and it was my first time at Masons home Miller Children’s NICU.
It's in his heart
4 weeks ago