Monday, December 27, 2010

First Christmas without Mason

Christmas was nothing but an ordinary day with lots of shopping. I worked up until the 23rd and also had school so I didn't have time to do much shopping. I had told everyone I wasn't getting big gifts as I was donating money to a charity that since Mason was born has meant a lot to me because of all there help, The March Of Dimes. Of course my mother doesn't really get it, she thinks the rich people that have money should be the ones donating. Anyways Christmas Eve was pretty hectic although I did manage to finish everything by 2 and spend the whole rest of the day with my son. My little sisters kept me company because like a lot of other special occasions for me Louis had to work and I did not want to go alone. When I arrived at Mason's a lot of things were messed up. It had been raining to bad we put a little tarp on top of his things to avoid getting them ruined but that only helped so much. Since it was a sunny day I went ahead and took it off. We sat with Mason and organized his flowers, He had not had flowers for about a week so I decided to take him some for Christmas.I kept my cool while I was their, I had my glasses on so my little sisters didn't notice the tears. We read him some Christmas stories and played him some Christmas songs and we gave him his little gifts. we got him a little baseball because his daddy loves baseball, we got him a soccer ball because his grandpa loves soccer. I got him a little truck since me and my dad work at a trucking company, I got him a plane because his dads dream is to be a pilot and a little duck because his momma loves ducks! and a little dog=) they were all miniature little toys I got at party city for a quarter each. This is not how I wanted to be giving my baby his gifts but it would have to do. Everything was decorated so nice all the parents had come out to decorate there babies place and I loved it. It was the only time of yr we can do this and I was frankly getting use to it. I liked seeing Mason with a little fence decorated, I have always been jealous of the people that can do that all year!. I tried to make the best of all I had left of my son.

I felt horrible because the rain had been so bad that some of the markers to the right of Mason started sinking in. I couldn't imagine coming to visit my baby and his marker being fucked up like that, I think i might drop dead of a heart attack of the anger. Not only do we pay a lot of money for our plots and markers but we pay people to maintain them and the cementary isn't going to fix it??? I heard the parents made a complain but that they had not done much about it. I dont know I think I would of freaked. Me and my sisters walked around and finished soending time with Mason.

 My little sisters insisted on making me laugh

Playing Christmas Carols for Mason

When all the kids started opening the gifts that night I couldn't bare it, It just hurt so much that I took off  and cried in a lonely street alone in my car but my dad convinced me to come back. I tried enjoying it but it just wasnt the same. I lost all my Christmas spirit. The next morning on Christmas I spent some time with Louis and then took off, I just wanted to spend Christmas with my boy. There was lots of people when I got there, They gave me some hot choco and cookies I thought that was so generous. I laid my blanket and pillow and just laid down. I probably took a 30 min nap I got there around 2 and didn't leave till 6 so I spent quite some time reading to Mason and conversating with Masons neighbors and hearing there stories. Louis met up with me later that evening. and we spent the rest of our Christmas with our baby boy


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