Today I woke up with determination it had been 6 days since my surgery and that was enough for me to recover. I was feeling pain but my emotional pain overtook it all. I got up grabbed some lunch a few books and got in my car! I was determined to drive myself to Millers. I was so sick of relying on Louis or my mom. The NICU did not allow anyone but parents and grandparents so I couldn’t as my friends really for help. I mean all they would be able to do is drop me off. I was ok with this, I know I had surgery but it wasn’t about me anymore. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with Mason. I did ok with the drive, changing lanes was a little though because I had to look back and it was painful still. As soon as I arrived the first thing I did was go buy a parking pass. Parking at Millers was $5 dollars each time and it was starting to add up, I got a monthly pass for $50. After that I went upstairs, I scrubbed and went straight in. I did not call for an update this morning so I was feeling kind of scared, I didn’t like not knowing what was going on and by this time I had realized that things can change dramatically in a short time. I prayed on my way up. When I got to his bedside the nurse introduced herself and told me Mason was doing ok. At this point ok was good enough for me, She told me he had not required any blood today which was good it meant his hematocrit level was fine. He was on 12 mcg of Dopamine and they had stopped the epinephrine. She informed me that his urine output had been low so they had inserted a catheter to measure better accuracy just in case his kidneys were functioning well. They also ran a CBC, and did a blood gas. His gas was acceptable but they did not make changes on his ventilator. The good thing was he was still at room temperature at 21%. He seemed really sleepy, the nurse told me it was because he was receiving fentanyl which was a sedative so he was going to be sleeping a lot. I kind of didn’t mind this, him sleeping meant he felt less pain and time went quicker. He was finally off the Billi lights which meant I could see his eyes more. He woke up for a while and looked around. I had never been there all day so I got really familiar with what they did with him in a whole shift. While I was there I had to sign consent to put in a PICC line, His UV lines were not working well anymore and were beginning to not infuse properly so they called in a nurse practitioner to put it. I stepped out for the procedure but it only took about 20 min. I went over to the pumping room to pump some milk. I had been pumping ever 4 to 6 hours for him. Although he wasn’t eating yet they recommended I still pump and save so I don’t lose my supply and he never gets to have any of my milk. I got to talk to the nurse a lot and she told me I could bring my own receiving blankets so he can lie on instead of hospital blankets. She also recommended we sleep with them so that Mason had our scent at all times. He already had loveys that I would put in my shirt the whole time I was there and would put it on Mason’s side every time I left; this was so he can know my smell. A little later on in the afternoon they came in and fitted Mason for a colostomy bag. The doc told me they would have it for him soon. I was really amazed, here was my baby almost dying and he was suddenly turning around. I couldn’t help but think should I not get my hopes up; this could turn around any second. It was too good to be true and I did not know how to feel but I just told myself I was going to enjoy every second I had with him. No medical Issues, no nurses no doctors no medications…just me and my boy. Today is Dec 15 and I saw Mason with his eyes opened for the longest time. <3
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