I was not liking being back at work, I would constantly be thinking about how he is doing and I would even get urges to go see him in the middle of random things. Everything reminded me of him, It didn't help that it was getting a little hard to get ahold of his nurses at random times because they were either on break or in the middle of touch time and couldn't answer the phone. Luckily, They were flexible with me at work and I was able to call when ever I wanted. Since he had a different nurse everday other than the days Jenna would be in which were 3 to 4 days a week. I wouldn't be seeing much of her anymore though, because she worked the day shift and I would be at work during the day. She worked every other week end so we agreed to keep in touch when I called for updates and see each other on the week end to discuss further care. His nurse told me he was compleatly off the dopamine and he was having good gases so they were weaning on the settings he was really close to being on low enough settings to get switched back to the regular conventional ventilator. They went up on his callorie intake aswell to try and get his tiny body ready for when he did start to eat. I spoke to his doctor about his feedings and he told me he would discuss it with his GI doctor and depending on what he said he might be able to start feeding soon. It had been a month and Mason had not ate anything and I felt horrible about it. I could not stand the feeling of what it must be to not eat and get fed only through IV. So many things would run through my head like, I wonder if he is thirsty or I wonder if he gets hunger feelings. He had a repogle which took the acids and yucky stuff from his stomach but I still couldnt help it. I knew Mason would more than likely stay intubated until after surgery so we werent even worying about him still being on a vent being a cardiac baby and all. He was currently on lipids which was what was helping him gain the little weight he had. We were about a lb and a half away from our goal and Mason was gaining about half a oz every 2 days with no feeds. The doctor also explained to me that they would have to start off really slow and slowly go up and it was going to be a long process, and that if he started eating he would have to go NPO for surgery too and we would more than likely have to restart him over. I didn't mind aslong as we were making progress. Since I had talked to Louis about the great nurse Mason had the past 2 nights he decided to come with me on the night of the 8th. We both helped with Mason a lot and we even held him while they weighed and the respiratory therapist had me and Louis hold Mason and his ET tube. It was the closest we had ever gotten to holding Mason. Here we were a month later and we would say we held Mason for 2 minutes for the first time. Although it wasnt much I was still so happy and it was such a big milestone for us. I couldn't wait until the day I could hold Mason. It didn't matter if he was intubated but we needed him to be on a regular ventilator and not a high frequency. But we were getting close and I would dream of the day I got to hold him on my chest.