Tuesday, January 4, 2011


I had been spending all day with Mason, since he was really ill because of his infection I couldn't help but just want to be there. I stayed for both shifts both of these days. My parents had asked me to go on their yearly trip to Vegas and I kindly declined and said I would be spending New Years with my boy. His first new years and here we were in a hospital and yet I couldn't be happier. They had re sent some cultures that morning to see if anything grew back, so far some staph infection had grown. I had a talk with the doctor about putting Mason on a constant antibiotic, Jenna had recommended I do this so I did and he agreed and that he would keep him on amoxicillin. He was currently on Vancomycin for the infection which had grown some staph but they were still trying to identify the bacteria. Mason received a blood transfusion in the morning and a few hours later he seemed to be doing a little better. I couldn't do much but sit there and stare at him and occasionally talk to him when he would wake up so I started thinking a lot. I thought about his life, and how it would be. I remember hoping he had a normal life and that he didn't have to suffer having more surgeries later in life. They scored his pain pretty high today couldn't help but think the pain from his first surgery was there. I couldn't help but think what it must feel like to stool into a bag. Or to have no opening back there, I never felt sorry for him but as his mother I felt everything he did. He had to go through that and still fight with a broken little heart that needed to be fixed. On top of all that I couldn't help but imagine what it must be like to have a tube shoved down your throat 24-7, or to not be able to eat anything. I sometimes would sit there and cry because I knew he wasn't comfortable and there was no one to blame but me. My body was the one that failed him; he should be growing inside of me not in this glass box. I would say a prayer with Mason every day, and pray to God to give us the strength. I needed God more than ever right now and I got closer to him than I had ever imagined. I developed a close relationship...more like a bond where he was so good. God had answered my prayers so many times, specially that night Mason was close to dying. It was who I relied on for my own strength. I couldn’t believe my baby was now 21 days old, It was surreal I am a mother! He was requiring a lot of pressors but I knew it was because of the infection and everything would get better once it passed. On the 31st I left in the morning and Louis told me he would catch up with me when he got off at 2. I woke up with a good feeling; I wanted to start the New Year right. I wanted to pay even more attention to everything going on with Mason. With all this going on I had no time to think about myself so I never even went to my postpartum appointment and I had a C SECTION! This is how busy my life in the NICU was. When I got there the nurse told me Mason was doing a little better, He was just going uphill after that transfusion. They were able to lower his pressors in the morning. He was having good blood gases and they were even able to lower his settings on the vent. He was still on the jet but we were getting closer to him getting off. He was a little more stable so we were able to weigh and I was able to read to him. I took pictures, and talked to the nurse about his progress and how stable his blood pressure was. She weaned while I was there about 2 times and even turn off the Epi and Mason was still doing good. Shift change came around and Louis and I visited our baby he was now 22 days old and 2lbs 10 oz he was growing so much although he wasn't eating. We had a GREAT night with him, he did SO good that they took him off ALL his pressors. I knew the infection was going away and Mason was now recovering and getting better. This was a huge milestone for us and there wasn't a better way to end the year than this way. I was confident that we could get to anything. Our focus was to get to 1800 grams for surgery so that he could finally get better and we were going to do just that...So that we could take him home and he could finally have some rest without being bothered every 2-4 hours to get poked for blood gases. I was so happy he was asleep so me and Louis decided to go home and celebrate the miracle of life we were given. We got home at about 11 and got some dinner on the way and some wine. We knew we had left our baby peaceful and in good hands and for once in the last 22 days I could breath and for once in the last 8 months I could have a drink! We had a toast to the precious gift we had received, we thanked god and we brought in the New Year thinking it was the beginning of our lives with Mason. This was Dec 30th and 31st and Mason survived his first New Years


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